You, Me, and Us

March 11, 2025

The Camping Trip That Changed Everything

It was the summer of 2007—well, 2007-ish—when we embarked on a couples’ retreat with a few friends and their spouses. As a group, we decided to go all in: camping in the Boundary Waters, complete with portaging and all. None of us had done anything like this before. And Kou and I? We had never even been on a trip together. Ever.

Among the group, Kou and I were that couple—the one always debating, always dragging our friends into our disputes, looking for allies in our never-ending quest to determine who was right. It wasn’t that we couldn’t agree; it was more that we saw things differently and pushed each other to understand those perspectives. I didn’t need him to agree with me—I just needed him to get my point. And, somehow, everyone just accepted that we were the couple with the most “issues.” Honestly, we were fine with that.

But something happened on this trip. We didn’t argue. Not once. No debates, no dragging our friends into a courtroom of opinions. Instead, we thrived. Our communication was solid—we had clear roles, we knew what needed to be done, and if a bear showed up at camp, we knew our game plan. Our friends were shocked. We were shocked.

Hindsight: The Secret Sauce

Looking back, it was all in the planning. We had a list of everything we needed to bring, a clear division of tasks, and we had even pre-discussed emergency scenarios (yes, including surprise bear visits). We knew who would take the lead in different situations, and we understood each other’s strengths and weaknesses when it came to camping. With Kou’s Boy Scout background, he naturally took charge of planning, and my role was execution—I was the “doer.”

We learned a major lesson: structured planning worked for us. Kou having a list, me being open to taking direction in situations that required leadership, and trusting his expertise—it all led to a smooth, stress-free trip. Turns out, preparation was our relationship superpower.

But here’s the thing—life isn’t always a camping trip. And that’s where we struggled. When expectations were unclear or unspoken, things fell apart.

Take, for example, having a baby. But that’s a story for another time…