You, Me, and Us

March 3, 2025

I stopped writing ages ago because I was afraid my words would expose too much—my rawness, my truth. What if someone stumbled upon them? What if they didn’t keep my secrets safe? But here I am again, deciding to lean into the fear, to put my words into the world, to claim my own space.

A good friend, Xong, encouraged me to write a book—one that captures the balancing act of navigating a traditional Southeast Asian culture while being married to a Hmong man on the Autism Spectrum.

So, here I am, living my best life—or at least trying. I’m six weeks postpartum with our fourth child. Another son, another blessing, and the anticipation of watching him grow. And yet, my husband and I find ourselves back in the newborn phase. Again. Actually, for the fourth time. So why does it still feel like reading Ikea instructions for the first time—confusing, overwhelming, and somehow missing the one crucial part?

The difference now, and I am acutely aware of it every day, is my husband’s neurodivergent quirks. More on that later.

A house full of boys—yes, even the two morkies are male—and me, trying to chart a course that feels both familiar and completely foreign. I’m attempting to put into words the journey of understanding both Autism and the Hmong culture. And the big question I keep circling back to: Does Hmong culture normalize the behaviors of an autistic man? Is my husband the way he is because Hmong tradition accepts his behaviors, or does Hmong culture actually reinforce his autistic traits?

For today, I’ll settle on this: I am a strong-willed, opinionated Hmong woman. My questions are valid. And my sons deserve a well-informed upbringing.

Cheers for now.

The Weather.